View RSS Feed
Via EmailConversation Tips: How to Give Constructive Criticism
============================================
In This Issue…
============================================
1. Quotation of the Month
2. Word of the Month
3. Conversation Tip of the Month
4. Humor
============================================
1. Quotation of the Month
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
- William James
============================================
2. Word of the Month: hackles (HACK’ls)
plural a: erectile hairs along the neck and back especially of dogs;
b: temper, dander, as in “the issue raised some hackles”
============================================
3. Conversation Tips of the Month:
How to Express Constructive Criticism
Birds do it, bees do it, and for all we know, even educated fleas do it. I’m not talking about falling in love. I’m talking about getting something off your chest. Your partner left coffee grounds on the counter again. The guy in the next office forgot to give you a message. Again.
Something’s bugging you, and you gotta deal with it. Here’s the rub: there are ways to unburden yourself and then there are effective ways to bring about the change you want. If you must give constructive criticism, use these two tips.
Tip 1. Start the conversation gently
Why start gently? Because research suggests that it works. Dr. John Gottman learned to predict the outcome of married couples’ difficult conversations with 95% accuracy. Here’s his secret: If the conversation started with a blast of hostility, criticism or anger, it ended badly. If the conversation started softly, it usually ended well.
Here are a couple soft starts. Note that they don’t make the other person wrong or bad.
- “I appreciate your making coffee. Could you would wipe up the coffee grounds, too? I love a clean counter.”
- “Frank, it seems I’m not getting all my messages. Could we talk this afternoon about setting up a system so that I do?”
Tip 2. Avoid the 4 poison words
The poison words are ”We need to talk.” We mean well when we say these simple words, but they will raise your partner’s hackles every time. He’s likely to think, “Oh, what’s the problem NOW?” Don’t you stiffen when you hear them? Take these four words out of your vocabulary.
Remember, softly begun is half done.
============================================
4. Humor
Fred and his wife were giving each other the silent treatment. At bedtime, Fred realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose the argument), he wrote his wife a note:
“Please wake me at 5 a.m.” He left it on her toothbrush.
When Fred woke up, the sun was shining, and he’d missed his flight. Furious, he was about to yell at his wife when he noticed a slip of paper by the bed. It said, “It is 5 a.m. Wake up.”
