View RSS Feed
Via EmailGood Conversation Starters: What to Do When Your Ice Breaker Flops
Do you know what to do when your ice breaker fails to start conversation? Follow these two tips and you’ll successfully talk to men or women every time.
Here’s my story
I’m a new member of the National Association of Pen Women, and I don’t know many people in my chapter. No problem. Since I’m the Queen of Conversation, I always have a batch of good conversation starters ready to go. Sitting at the lunch table with seven new faces, I popped one of my favorites:
“Modesty aside, what are you good at? It could be anything—from changing light bulbs in high places to making margaritas from scratch to tying knots. Name at least 3 things you’re good at.”
I would like to report that these artistic and literary women shared oodles of things they’re good at. I’d like to report that my ice breaker blossomed, and my tablemates got to know each other so much better.
That would be a lie.
My question bombed.
My tablemates looked at me blankly. Silently.
Where did I go wrong? I wondered. “What are you good at?” is a great ice breaker. What happened? Were light bulbs, margaritas, and knots bad examples? Would literary, artistic, or family-centered examples have been effective conversation starters?
Know your audience
The problem was more basic. I had overlooked the Pen Women’s background. These were women first, and talented writers, musicians and artists second. They were 50 to 75 years old. Several were Asian. And all, except me, apparently, were raised in a culture where tooting one’s own horn was scowled upon. Claiming they were good at something was boasting. And boasting was a no-no.
But I persisted. My Scorpio stubbornness kicked in. So did my desire to keep a great ice breaker from melting on the tablecloth. It reminds me of when Larry the Cable Guy told a funny joke and got no response. Then he said, “Hey, ya’ll. That there joke was funny,” and the audience laughed.
Gently persist
As you know, people love encouragement. Sometimes they *need* encouragement. So I teased my new friends: “C’mon, ladies! With all this talent and experience, you must be good at a TON of things.”
The lovely woman across from me said, “I’m a good grandmother. I remember everybody’s birthday, and I send cards and gifts.” Whew! We could hear the ice breaker making a splash.
When your conversation starter lands with a thud, persist. Encourage responses and you’re likely to get them.
Never wonder how to start conversation again. Get your free copy of “15 Sure-Fire Conversation Questions for Dates, Parties, and Hanging Out With Friends.”
My ebook has hundreds of conversation questions for couples, including dozens of ice breakers you could ask anyone. “Do You Squeeze the Toothpaste in the Middle? Playful Questions for Dates and Mates.”
