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Via EmailConversation Tip: How to Get the Best Out of a Bore or Windbag
Have you ever been pinned to the wall with mind-numbing, dreary, tedious stories? Have you ever wanted to change the subject and talk about something interesting? You can. And when your date or interviewer asks questions you don’t want to answer, you can deftly change the subject and talk about something else. Media trainers have a name for this conversation technique: bridging. I learned this handy switcheroo tool from an unlikely source.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
The Beatles’ guru told this story about being interviewed on American TV. It was the early 60s, and to Western eyes, Maharishi must have been an unusual sight. His hair touched his shoulders, and he was wrapped in white silk, sitting cross-legged on a couch, holding a flower.
Today’s interviewers do their homework, or their producers do. They find out ahead of time what’s special about each guest, other than his appearance. What is his message? How can he add value to the viewers at home?
If this TV host had such notes, he didn’t use them. He took one look at his peculiar-looking guest and blurted, “What do you eat?”
If Maharishi was startled by this off-beat question, he didn’t show it. He was a man on a spiritual mission. Thousands had attended his lectures in India. He did not come half-way around the world to discuss food. He could have said, “What a silly question!” But that’s offensive, not a gracious way to change the subject.
Maharishi never had media training, but he had a message to deliver. Keeping his purpose in mind, he answered the question he wished he’d been asked. He launched into his favorite metaphor about the nature of life: “Water the root to enjoy the fruit.”
Since this is a story about conversations, not spiritual development, I’ll leave the rest of his answer at that because I want to talk about what would have made it a perfect reply.
How to Change the Subject with Bridging
The best reply would have been something like this: “Many people have asked that question, and what I want to tell you and your viewers is how to enjoy life. It is so much simpler than what you eat. Take this flower for example….”
This technique is called bridging. You start with where the other person is and you create a transition, a bridge, to where you want to go. Try it with
- job interviewers
- long-winded colleagues
- boring relatives
- friends who can’t stop talking about the latest scandal or Michael Jackson or how much they miss Seinfeld
Now that you’re aware of bridging, listen carefully when politicians answer journalists’ questions. You’ll hear how skilled speakers bend questions to get their point across. Listen for it! And, of course, practice your bridging skills just for fun. You don’t even have to be talking to practice. Just pick a sentence that someone else has just said and mentally bridge to a new conversation topic. Later, when you really need to change the subject, you’ll do it smoothly, without offending anyone.
For more on bridging, read my article Good Conversation Topics: 3 Strategies to Enjoy (Phone) Conversations With a Crabby Person
Never be at a loss for interesting conversation topics. You’ll find hundreds of conversation questions in my ebook, “Do You Squeeze the Toothpaste in the Middle? Playful Questions for Dates and Mates.”
