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Tracey's Top Articles

1. Good Conversation Starters: 3 Sure-Fire Tips to Flirt Successfully and Break the Ice with Women or Men
2. Good Conversation Starters: “Haven’t We Met Before?” How to Flirt and Start a Conversation with a Cliché
3. Romantic Date Ideas: 6 Tips for a Valentine’s Day Date on a Tight Budget
4. How to Apologize: 9 Tips to Sweeten a Sour Relationship With Your Partner, Colleague Or Neighbor
5. First Date Conversation Tips: 9 Horrible, Awful Conversation Topics

I Wish I'd Said This

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Listening

Conversation Tip: A Father Learns How to Talk to His Daughter

Excerpt from a terrific article by David Whyte, published in Oprah:

1) Do I know how to have real conversation?

A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want. To do this requires vulnerability. Now we tend to think that vulnerability is associated with weakness, but there’s a kind of robust vulnerability that can create a certain form of strength and presence too.

There are many tough conversations, but one of the most difficult is between a parent and an adolescent daughter, partly because as a parent we are almost always attempting to relate to someone who is no longer there. The parent therefore usually tries to start the conversation by offering a perspective that the daughter finds not only out of date but also unhelpful; the daughter then replies by way of defense with something just a shade more unhelpful, and so the process continues. A year or so ago, I found myself in exactly this dynamic, my daughter’s bedroom door slamming shut just as I was just about to say that last, deeply satisfying unhelpful thing.

Humor: 9 Words Women Use

Applause and gratitude to the comedians who wrote this and launched it into cyberspace, whoever they are…. – Tracey

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing, usually end in “Fine.”

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

The Case of the Crappy Listener

I took an afternoon memory class recently and discovered I was a crappy listener. Moi? I could hardly believe it. Oh, most of the time I was engaged with the teacher’s vast and helpful knowledge—that is, listening intently, raising my hand to ask questions or volunteer some information.

(“A Chinese doctor said that walnuts, which look like a brain, are good for your memory. Eat one or two daily.”)

My expectations were set on learning memory techniques, so when the instructor drew the parts of the brain, I tuned out. Oh, it was worse than that. I could hardly sit still. I doodled. I fidgeted. I thumbed my notebook, looking for something to DO. I squirmed until we stood up to dance.

Wow. That’s never happened to me before. Is that what it’s like to be a kid with ADD and sit in a classroom?

Are We Having a Conversation or Playing Verbal Ping Pong

I snapped at a friend last week. I was saying that my dog OOdles had been sick because she munched something crunchy, tasty and toxic. She still hadn’t come right after a vet visit.

My friend started to say, “Last week…” when I growled, “Don’t go there!”

“What?” she said innocently.

Clearly,  I overreacted. That’s what happens when I’m angry and haven’t dealt with it directly. So here’s the rest of the story:

My friend, I’ll call her Sammi, has a big heart. I know she loves me and OOdles. But she has this annoying conversation habit: Sammi responds to my experiences with stories of her own. If I had a sleepless night, she had a sleepless night. If I got bumped by an airline, she got bumped. If my shoe fell apart …well, you get the picture.

The Popcorn Theory: 4 Steps to Show Kindness

Want to show more kindness? Here’s a conversation tip from the family depicted in the movie The Blind Side:

Leigh Ann and Sean Tuohy (pronounced TOO-hee), have a philosophy of life they named “The Popcorn Theory.” It goes like this:

You can’t help everyone. But you can try to help the hot ones who pop up in front of your face. It means that you notice other people, ask them questions, really listen to their answers, and help where you can. It’s a simple philosophy that they put into practice that freezing November afternoon when the Tuohys turned their car around to pick up a boy they saw walking without a jacket. In that heartbeat, all their lives were changed.
- Jonna Erickson, The Costco Connection

Got that? Just four steps to show your kindness:

1. Notice
2. Ask
3. Listen
4. Help

Kids Say the Darndest Things About the Bible

Kids crack me up!  See if you agree. 

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off.  
• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. 
• Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. 
• Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 
• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. 
• Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. 
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. 
• The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. 
• The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.  
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada. 
• Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 
• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of  people who lived in Biblical times. 
• Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 
• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. 
• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 
• St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. 
• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. 
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 
• One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was by profession a taximan. 
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 
• A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Compiled by Richard Lederer, published in the National Review.

Simple Advice for Parents Trying to Raise Happy, Healthy Daughters

A criminologist who has spent decades studying the lives of girls and women who end up in prison has some simple advice for parents trying to raise happy, healthy daughters: Listen.

“We need to listen to our daughters, not just talk to our daughters. That what girls tell us,” said University of Hawaii professor Meda Chesney-Lind. “They want to be heard. Parents think they are talking with their daughters, when they’re really talking at their daughters.” [from the opening 2 paragraphs in Friday's Star-Bulletin story by writer Christine Donnelly.]

My stepfather listened to me. Maybe that’s why I loved him so much. We traded stories:  he and his brothers dumped a nest of mice on the counter of their father’s store and made the clerk scream; I chased a camped counselor with a daddy longlegs spider. She was too busy running to scream.

We talked about current events, what was going on at school, and whether God existed (I didn’t think so). We talked about sex, too. If he thought my ideas were off the wall, he never said so. He just asked questions in a tell-me-more way.

In high school I loved hanging out with my mom because she was so witty. When her best friend came over and they sat at the bar’s only 2 stools, I’d tuck myself beside the sink and join in. But—you knew there was a but, didn’t you?—eventually Mom’s conversation would turn to me: how much better I’d look in contacts, how unruly my hair was, how I ought to smile more.

When I smoked pot in college, who do you think I told, Charlie or Mom?

And who was very upset when she found out that I’d told him? I think Mom was more upset by getting the information second-hand than she was by the pot itself.

Perhaps Mom was trying to pass on the skills that made her popular. Or maybe she was trying to transform me into a suitable chip off the old block. Whatever her reasons, they didn’t bring us closer.

Here are some conversation questions for you:

• Over the years, who has listened, really listened, to you?
• How did these good listeners impact your life?
• Do children learn more from what parents do than what they say? Is that true for you? For your children?

Please leave your comments below.

A Great Source of Conversation Topics

The Hawaii Writers Conference Sparks Good Conversation Starters for Your Conference or Group

What a great Labor Day weekend! How did you spend your time off? Did you do something fun? (That’s a good conversation starter, by the way, because it invites the sharing of personal information.) For the third year in a row, I volunteered at the Hawaii Writers Conference, (the weekend formerly known as the Maui Writers Conference).

Ahhh! 4 days of bliss for everyone who loves writing, books and movies. That would be me and 700 of my dearest writer friends.  

When I attend a conference of like-minded folks, I’m never at a loss for words. (Not that that happens to me anyway. After all, I am the Queen of Conversation. <blush>) ”Tell me about your project” got everyone talking enthusiastically. Notice the word project, instead of book. That’s because some folks were screenwriters and poets.

Here are some other good conversation starters you can adapt for your conference or group:

• Why did you come here? What do you want to get out of the conference?
• What presenters have impacted you the most? Why?”
• What good tips have you picked up so far?
• Have you had any consultations with publishers or agents? What did they tell you?
• What’s the next step for you, writing- and publishing-wise?

The key to a good conversation

Ask for more information on any given topic. That means you gotta resist the urge to blab about your own project, your own favorite authors, until your turn comes. Did my turn come? Yes. Everyone was curious and eventually invited me to talk about my own coming E-book, Do You Squeeze the Toothpaste in the Middle? Playful Questions for Dates and Mates. I love how people smile when they hear the title.

Alas, the conference ended, and I am suffering from a serious lack of schedules, speakers, speaker-host teammates, authors and wanna-bes. But my dawgs are happy to see more of me than my coattails. (Does anyone wear coats with tails anymore?)

++++++++

Next post: Why you should volunteer. Special perks you might not know about.

What You Hear vs. What You Get

Five-year old Jake is learning to read. Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!"

His mom took a deep breath, then asked…."What did you call it?"

"It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does…

                    AFRICAN ELEPHANT