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When Is a Thank-You Call Unwelcome?
One of my favorite charities called this morning to say Thanks. Normally, I’d appreciate a call like that, especially since they weren’t hitting me up for money.
But not at 5:15 AM.
Who calls at that hour? It’s never good news. The ringing woke me up. Wrong number? No. When I heard a woman’s voice leaving a message, I ran for the phone. That meant dashing down the stairs and rushing to the kitchen, just in time to hear the voice wishing me “happy holidays”….click.
Who called? The Heifer Project. I love these folks. I love giving chicks, rabbits, goats and bees to people around the world. I love knowing that I help people help themselves. I make it possible for poor folks to send kids to school or plug a leaky roof. And I appreciate a thank-you.
But not at 5:15 AM.
I’ll Call You
“I’ll call you in a few days.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Lies, lies, lies. And I’m grumpy because I wanted the information they were going to tell me later.
I’m good about keeping my word because I feel good about myself when I do. So when you hear me say, “I’ll call you,” know that I have a back-up plan:
- I write myself a reminder.
- As I write, I think, “Remember to read this later.” [Note the wording here: I'm more likely to remember an instruction that says remember than one that says don't forget.]
- I add, “If you don’t hear from me, please send me an email reminder.”
Conversation Tip of the Day
Return calls when you said you would, even if you say only, “I don’t have the information yet. I’ll call again as soon as I have it.” Keep your word so people will trust you, and so you can trust yourself. It’s a must in business. It’s a courtesy in life.
Giving Feedback: Do You Know Your Toupee Sucks?
I noticed his hair right away. It looks like a rug on a canteloupe: an odd color, styled for the Seventies. I know the guy cares about his looks because he’s in the gym all the time. And I want to give him some feedback on that furry spider on top of his head. It would be a gift to say, “Did you know your toupee sucks?”
A gift? To whom?
To me, of course, because he’d hustle himself to a stylist and bring himself into the new millennium, and he wouldn’t frighten ducks and small children any more.
In my dreams.
Did he ask for my opinion? Ahhh, noo-o-o-o. That’s the thing about feedback of the “constructive” kind. He has to want it or at least tolerate it for the sake of an improved relationship with somebody who matters, say, his boss or significant other. I’m a nobody. Over six months, our total gym conversation went: “Are you using this?”
10 Tips to Write a Great Thank-You Note
Do you know how to write a great thank-you note or letter? You will when you follow these ten tips. It’s easy. Here’s your incentive: The better your note, the more great gifts you’ll get. It’s the Law of Attraction in action.
1. Be speedy.
If the gift of flowers has turned to mulch, you’re writing too late. My friend Beverly was at the other extreme: On Christmas afternoon her mother sat her down at the kitchen table to write thank you notes. In my opinion, that’s too soon because she hadn’t played with the gifts yet and couldn’t write from her experience. But do write within a week. Do it before the giver wonders if the gift arrived or if you’ve been mulched.
2. Use a small piece of stationery.
A small space is doable; it’s not daunting. Your short message will look better than it would on a big page. You won’t be tempted to say too much, like how Uncle Mike got loaded and stumbled face first into the dog’s dish. A postcard is okay, but it’s more challenging to write a great thank you note in such a small space. Remember the guy who wrote: ” Please excuse the long letter. I didn’t have time to write a short one.”
3. Write it by hand. Legibly.
In other words, no computer printouts, no text messages, no emails. An exception would be sending an email or text followed by a handwritten note. For example, “Your package arrived today, and I can hardly wait to open it” or “I love the Cuisinart, Mom. I have to dash now, so I’ll write you again tomorrow. Thank you for this time saver!” If you’re writing a business note, use blue or black ink.
4. Start with a saluation.
- Dear Aunt Noody,
Are We Having a Conversation or Playing Verbal Ping Pong
Do you know how to write a great thank-you note or letter? You will when you follow these ten tips. It’s easy. Here’s your incentive: The better your note, the more great gifts you’ll get. It’s the Law of Attraction in action.- Dear Aunt Noody,
I snapped at a friend last week. I was saying that my dog OOdles had been sick because she munched something crunchy, tasty and toxic. She still hadn’t come right after a vet visit.
My friend started to say, “Last week…” when I growled, “Don’t go there!”
“What?” she said innocently.
Clearly, I overreacted. That’s what happens when I’m angry and haven’t dealt with it directly. So here’s the rest of the story:
My friend, I’ll call her Sammi, has a big heart. I know she loves me and OOdles. But she has this annoying conversation habit: Sammi responds to my experiences with stories of her own. If I had a sleepless night, she had a sleepless night. If I got bumped by an airline, she got bumped. If my shoe fell apart …well, you get the picture.
A Prescription for Courtesy at the Doctor’s Office
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My friend Christian needed transportation to the podiatrist. After wheeling her into the examining room, I sat on the corner chair. The doctor promptly entered the room. (Nice!)
He was attentive to Christian, but he never introduced himself to me. Yes, Christian could have introduced us since she knows us both. She was distracted when the doctor grabbed her foot and started talking. |
Here’s my question: if you were in the doctor’s position and didn’t know the extra person, wouldn’t you say, “Hi, I’m Dr. York?”
I hope so. Emily Post, the Etiquette Maven, knows so.
On our way out of the office, the receptionist asked me if Christian had received arch supports. I felt like Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver: “Are you talkin’ to ME?”
When did Christian become invisible? When was I elected the person in charge? Although Christian’s a senior, she’s sharp as a tack. She’s the patient, the client, the one who needed arch supports; I was merely wheeler-in-chief.
