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A Wise and Surprising Answer to a Good Conversation Question
“If you could live anywhere in the world—and if money was no object—where would you live?”
I’ve asked this conversation question many times and never received a surprising answer. But one author did. Read an excerpt from The Road To Happiness by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher, and watch that answer take an unusual turn:
“On one trip about ten years ago, I was making conversation with the taxi driver, asking him my usual questions about how he came to live where he lived. Then I asked him a hypothetical question: ‘If you could live anywhere in the world—and if money was no object—where would you live?’
“Without hesitating even for a second, he replied, ‘I live in my heart. So it really doesn’t matter where my body lives. If I am happy inside, then I live in paradise, no matter where my residence is.’
Conversation Tip: 4 Simple Words Help Clear the Air
“Tracey, why was there a book with a price dot on the sale shelf?”
I answered Joan’s question and several more, but she didn’t seem satisfied until I said, “Maybe I made a mistake.”
It wasn’t Joan’s questions but the underlying needles that bothered me. As she was leaving the library, I said, “May I walk you to your car?”
“You seem annoyed. What’s going on?” I listened as Joan (not her real name) blew off steam. She recounted how I’d done X and Q. For example, I seemed to be double-checking how she shelved books. This upset her and Crystal, who also took it personally.
The temptation to defend—I mean, explain—myself was great. Instead I said, “Is there anything else?”
Yes, Joan added that I’d done P and Z.
I listened intently.
“Is there anything else?”
“No. That’s all.”
Don’t Leave Home Empty-Headed
Conversation Secret #51
Bring several good conversation questions everywhere you go. Don’t leave home empty-headed. Read the newspaper. It’s full of interesting and controversial topics.
And here is exhibit A, an article about Smokey the Cat:
“Smokey the cat’s loud purr has been likened to a lawnmower, a hair dryer and a ‘Boeing 747 coming in to land from a mile away.’” His purr been recorded at 73 decibels, which could account for why he was dispatched to a shelter 3 years ago. The recording has been submitted to Guinness World Records.
He didn’t sound lawnmower-loud to me, just annoying. Click here to hear him for yourself.
OK, back to conversation questions: You could talk for a while about cats and their horrible habits. [Can you spot my feelings about the li'l critters?] Then branch off into pets in general and the sweet habit your dog had of bringing you her dish at suppertime. And how she broke 2 ceramic bowls before you smartened up. OK, I smartened up.
4 Tips You Can Use Today to Silence Negative Self-Talk and Have Fun at Parties
While getting a pre-holiday haircut, I said, “Stefanie, are you going to any Christmas parties?”
“Yes, but I probably won’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, I start thinking about how I’ll have to talk to people, and it doesn’t seem like much fun. So I usually stay home.”
Psychologists have a fancy name for this behavior. I call it Sinking Your Own Boat.
Stefanie sinks her boat with her thoughts, one at a time. She feels more and more burdened, heavy, and miserable with each message from her imagination:
- “It’ll be boring.”
- “I might not know some people, and I’ll have to talk to them anyway.”
- “I don’t know what to say.”
- “What will I wear?”
- “I don’t like driving at night.”
Glug, glug, glug. Down goes the Good Ship Lollipop, sinking a fun evening with it.
Ten Interesting Conversation Questions for Thanksgiving
Try these conversation questions at your Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner party.
1. Would you eat a turkey that fell on the floor?
2. You’re in charge of choosing a new national holiday. You can ask for ideas, but ultimately, it’s up to you. How will you go about your task? What would you like to call it? What’s the date?
3. What common, household things are you grateful for? (The list should be long.)
4. What are you thankful for …at work? …with your family? …in your social life?…on the planet?
5. What would you like to be thankful for NEXT year at this time?
6. Do you donate regularly to any organization? Which ones? Why?
7. Some families buy holiday gifts only for the children; others draw names for an adult gift exchange. How do you do it in your family? What changes would you make?
How You Doin?
That’s one way of asking “How are you?” How do you answer this common conversation question? If you’re singer-humorist Greg Tamblyn, your brain whirs and pops out a creative reply — for example:
- “Parts of me are excellent.” (his current favorite)
- “In the flow, babe.”
- “Great from the neck down.” (If he has a cold.)
- “Still a bag of happy atoms.”
- “Moderately bewildered.
- “Part pizza, part beer.”
- “I’m so broke I can’t pay attention, but I got plenty o’ love.”
- “Bizarre, yet weird.”
- “Still dangerous.” (Thanks to Bowen White for this one.)
- “Spiffy.”
- “The important parts are fully functional.”
Greg’s running a contest for the best answers. Scoot over to Greg’s blog, guffaw at the entries, and post your own.
But first, post ‘em below because my readers and I enjoy creativity, too.
Have You Ever Made a Big Dream Come True?
That’s a great conversation question.
I can say YES because TODAY my new, amped-up Web site is online. And my ebook, Do You Squeeze the Toothpaste in the Middle? Playful Questions for Dates & Mates, is available for the first time. HOORAY! I’M EXCITED!!!!!!
If you’re reading this on Facebook, go to http://www.QueenOfConversation.com and check out the new look.
How long did it take to write the book? Shoots, some of my readers weren’t born yet. If I get on Oprah, it’ll be because I had a dream and stuck to it like gum sticks to a shoe.
Friends would say, “How’s that book coming?” I’d say, “I’m struggling with it.” And my heart would sink. I could feel it. When I finished the book, I’d say, “Now I’m having trouble with my Web site,” and my heart would sink. With that kind of self-talk, no wonder my tail feathers were dragging.
If You Had the Gene For Alzheimer’s, Would You Want to Know?
Here’s the conversation question:
If you had the gene for Alzheimer’s, would you want to know?
Before you answer, you need to understand that “genes are not destiny. Millions of Americans without a genetic susceptibility develop Alzheimer’s, and many with the genes do not,” writes Jean Carper in USA Weekend (Sept. 19, 2010). Should you get tested? Carper says yes because (presumably), if you’ve got the gene, you’ll be motivated to take precautions and reduce your risk.
I say no. Save the 200 bucks, and save your sanity, too.
You know how you get a sesame seed or bit of popcorn stuck in your teeth? You can’t help putting your tongue on it. It bothers you til you get that sucker out of there. Wouldn’t your worry be a zillion times worse if tests showed that you were “A-gene positive”?
If you say, no, you’re a rare bird, and I salute you.
The Popcorn Theory: 4 Steps to Show Kindness
Want to show more kindness? Here’s a conversation tip from the family depicted in the movie The Blind Side:
Leigh Ann and Sean Tuohy (pronounced TOO-hee), have a philosophy of life they named “The Popcorn Theory.” It goes like this:
You can’t help everyone. But you can try to help the hot ones who pop up in front of your face. It means that you notice other people, ask them questions, really listen to their answers, and help where you can. It’s a simple philosophy that they put into practice that freezing November afternoon when the Tuohys turned their car around to pick up a boy they saw walking without a jacket. In that heartbeat, all their lives were changed.
- Jonna Erickson, The Costco Connection
Got that? Just four steps to show your kindness:
- Notice
- Ask
- Listen
- Help
A New Pledge of Allegiance for the 4th of July Weekend
A New Pledge by David Ault
by David Ault © 2004
I pledge allegiance to breaking the self-imposed barriers of my humanness. I recognize that my time on this planet is precious and limited. Every day is a canvas on which I can create. Everyday is an opportunity for me to move in the direction of the dreams and the expanded vision I feel inside. By setting aside petty grievances, past mistakes, righteous anger and my broken story, I pledge to move forward and embrace the experience of freedom right here and right now.
I pledge allegiance to the expression of my spiritual honesty. I fully own the fact that my presence here in this body and on this earth is a celebration of uniqueness and importance. Creation makes no mistakes. I am a creation of life, of a higher power, of perfection. My reason for being here matters in the grand divine plan. I must be honest with my contract of life and walk the path of my destiny with conviction, purpose and grace.
I pledge allegiance to the quiet soldier within. I understand that the championing spirit that is already cellularly alive inside of me, that was already in place at the time of my birth, waits patiently for my current belief about myself to join it in its knowing. I march forward towards a history of my own making, wisely, lovingly choosing the means by which I spread my beliefs and convictions. I never make others wrong for their chosen path for I recognize the innumerable roads that lead to the One.
I pledge allegiance to a partnership with divinity. I choose to see others and myself from eyes that already view the wholeness and perfection within. I do not entertain our past damage or encourage us to identify with it for I trust that a grander calling card has been printed for us to distribute in promoting our lives. I champion all of us to celebrate what is working rather than what isn’t.
I pledge allegiance to wise discernment – knowing when to speak and when to remain quiet, knowing when to comfort and when to leave alone, knowing when to intervene and when to avoid rescuing and interfering.
I pledge allegiance to people and projects of substance. I cannot travel this road alone. If there is anything we as a species need, it is each other. I actively choose to support those whose work I believe in with my time, talent and treasure. I joyously give to those whose intention and purpose is for self-empowerment and the awakening of humanity to its personal magnificence. I rally to make others aware of such light bearers and do what I can to support them in furthering their vision.
I pledge allegiance to the freedom from comparison. I once and for all lay down my wearisome, stale beliefs of unworthiness and not being good enough. I know that my past does not define who I am. I am forever evolving, growing and learning. I recognize that I am a marvel. I now choose opportunities to let my voice be heard; to let my light shatter the darkness of futility so that every personal dream is explored.
I pledge allegiance in knowing that things are not always as they seem. Just because something can’t be seen with the physical eye or rationalized by our current mode of understanding does not negate its existence. Understanding the difference between reality and illusion, I move into a fuller acceptance of the non-physical – the mystical, intuitive, soul aspect of living that expands my consciousness and deepens my days.
I pledge allegiance to actions that fulfill the greatest good for all. By becoming a gatekeeper of compassion, tolerance and love, I move into a fuller conviction of pure intent with regard to the words that I speak and the choices that I make. I pursue a win-win in all activities of life.
I pledge allegiance to those who have gone before me, the ancestral lineage whose courage, sacrifice and conviction still live in my bones. I honor the privileges given to me today because of the sweat from their pioneering efforts and the fortitude of their convictions. I give thanks for my responsibility in creating the same for future generations.
I pledge allegiance to a love that has no agenda. I no longer choose to give for what I might get, to manipulate in order to control, to abandon before I can be abandoned, to tolerate because there are seemingly no other options. I choose to love as a way of being. I am content in my choice whether outside circumstances respond or not. In being love, I create fulfillment above and beyond what the human condition can provide.
I pledge allegiance to the sacredness of laughter, knowing that the greatest healing force that exists reverberates from the vibration of this holy and irreplaceable gift. I allow humor, joy and eruptions of laughter to make their home in my heart. I let my physical body respond to the sacred stimulus and biological wonder that laughter creates and vow to keep this attribute alive and thriving all the days of my life.
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Tracey here with your conversation question of the day:
I especially like the section about wise discernment: “knowing when to speak and when to remain quiet, knowing when to comfort and when to leave alone, knowing when to intervene and when to avoid rescuing and interfering.”
- What parts of this pledge speak loudly to you?
- Would you care to add any pledges of your own?
- If you’re in a relationship, especially a new one, I dare you to create a pledge to each other. Feel free to adapt David’s beautiful thoughts. Don’t worry about getting it perfect. Make it a work in progress.
