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When You’re Tempted to Apologize
Do you claim to have terrible public speaking skills? Are you worse than King George VI of Britain, who stu-stu-stuttered his way through The King’s Speech?
I didn’t think so.
In terms of fears, public speaking ranks right up there with drowning and/or sitting beside a a compulsive talker on the flight to Tokyo.
And that’s just silly because most people do an OK job of it. Speaking, not drowning.
Yesterday I went to a workshop for the Friends of the Hawaii Libraries. We’re the volunteer advocates and fundraisers. At lunchtime the microphone went around the room, and people shared what was going on at their library. I talked about our last book sale, which raised over $6,000 in 2 days. (Color me proud.) The representative from Molokai talked about giving several children’s books to every mom with a newborn, an idea we thought brilliant.
Build Your Self-Esteem By Keeping Your Word
“Your self-esteem is directly related to your ability to keep your word,” said Jeff Rogers in a PSI Basic seminar. “And that includes keeping your promises to yourself.”
Well, no wonder my self-esteem was in the doghouse. I broke my promises all the time. (Ask anyone who knows how long I’ve been promising to get my ebook online. Years….) I’m better now. Or so I thought. Here’s my story:
Gaelyn and I agreed to have a play day on Wednesday. We were gonna get haircuts, see a movie, and try a new restaurant. But on Sunday Carol invited us to Heidi’s birthday party on—you guessed it—Wednesday.
Why would that matter? Because Heidi’s special: she’s our marvelous dog sitter who comes all the way from Seattle to take excellent care of OOdles and Scooter and our home. Heidi’s in town, sitting for friends, and I wanted to be at her party.
Olympic Ice Dancers Know How to Make a Great First Impression
Do first impressions count in Olympic ice dancing? Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir won my heart from the get-go. Before the first note of their music, even before they positioned their skates on the ice, my heart melted. I awarded them the gold.
Why?
Did you SEE the way he looked at her? Such appreciation, such love! And they’re not even dating. Were his adoring looks part of the performance? Who knows. Who cares? The judges gave them gold, too. Yeah, I know: they earned it with every twirl and lift. But it all got launched with a great first impression.
Here’s my Olympic-sized tip of the day:
Do you realize you’re making a first impression every day? Over and over? Yes, even with people who know you. Friends are always checking you out. Are they likely to say, “You look dazzling today!” or “Did you spill your coffee fix?”
And you never know when that stranger you bump today — “Oops! Sorry!” — will become the client who interviews you for a job tomorrow.
Every brick-and-mortar business is making first impressions too, starting at the curb. <Reader alert! Pet peeve coming.> What will you find outside my gym? Power bar wrappers. Plastic water bottles. Litter. Ugh. Faster than you can say “deep knee bend,” the staff could clean that up.
When I owned the Mango House Bed and Breakfast, I cleaned all the way across the street. My reward was finding coins, a pint of rum and 5 music CDs. I was proud to have the cleanest cul de sac in Honolulu.
I won’t preach. Now that you know to pay attention to your first impressions, you know what to do.
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What did you think about the Russians’ aboriginal costumes? Got a story about good or crummy first impressions? Leave me a comment.
Lessons from the Library, or, Volunteers Don’t Need Prozac
Volunteering at my local library makes me feel good! Wish I’d signed up years ago when I was depressed. Science says my mood uplift comes from a boost in serotonin. I call it a natural high.
I LOVE feeling useful. I’m a mostly cheery person, but sorting book and magazine donations boosts my spirits even higher. Rummaging through the donation bin is like having Christmas morning twice a week. What bestsellers will turn up this time? Will it be the latest Dan Brown thriller? (YESSS!)
Can I borrow it? Right now? Yes, because volunteers get two extra benefits: 1) we can borrow book donations before they go on sale, and 2) we get first dibs on buying books.
Here’s another reason I get a boost from being a volunteer:
I get paid — not in money but in gratitude, which is the currency of the heart. The library staff and other volunteers appreciate us. Every week my “boss,” Clare, thanks me for helping. I don’t need her gratitude, but I like it. I can’t take it to the bank, but I take it to heart.
If you shop garage sales for books, you’d probably enjoy volunteering at your library, too. Or pick something else that appeals to you. If you’ve been downsized or furloughed, volunteer. A hundred worthy causes are waiting for you to step up to the plate. Call one of them now while you’re thinking about it.
How to Build Confidence and Meet New People
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How do you build confidence and meet people? Volunteer. You get to schmooze with people you wouldn’t otherwise meet.
I was a speaker host at the Hawaii Writers Conference. One evening the authors were doing a mass book signing. |
Picture them at tables on the lanai of the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, overlooking Diamond Head and the ocean.
What was missing in this scenic view?
Something to drink.
I appointed myself the wine goddess, got scripts from the conference host, and delivered wine to each author. In between signings, I chatted with Kristin Hannah (21 books – I loved Firefly Lane) and Jacquelyn Mitchard (author of The Deep End of the Ocean, Oprah’s first book-club pick).
Of course, if I’d paid the full conference fee, I could have visited with them, too. But when you volunteer, you get in for free.
Here’s another example:
The previous year, I helped organize author Steve Berry’s book signing and enjoyed a long visit with his lovely wife. The ice breaker “how did you meet?” brought out a great blind-date story. The conversation question “Do you go with Steve when he travels for research?” gave me insights about his writing process, always an interesting topic for a writer.
An excellent tip to build confidence
Register people at the door. This is a great job because you get to put faces with names and have a brief connection. When registration’s over, you have a clear idea of people you’d like to get to know better. (Read about my morning greeting women who were considering running for office: “50 First Impressions in the 50th State.” )
If being on the front lines, so to speak, scares you, then go backstage. While stuffing envelopes and trading stories, you get to know people in the organization.
Feeling depressed?
Volunteer. You feel needed. Volunteering gives you a purpose, a reason to be there. Instead of walking in the door and not knowing a cotton-pickin’ soul, you belong. Help somebody else or a cause greater than yourself and you’ll feel better about yourself. It will do you as much good as a roomful of therapists’ couches. That’s my promise.
