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Tracey's Top Articles

1. Good Conversation Starters: 3 Sure-Fire Tips to Flirt Successfully and Break the Ice with Women or Men
2. Good Conversation Starters: “Haven’t We Met Before?” How to Flirt and Start a Conversation with a Cliché
3. Romantic Date Ideas: 6 Tips for a Valentine’s Day Date on a Tight Budget
4. How to Apologize: 9 Tips to Sweeten a Sour Relationship With Your Partner, Colleague Or Neighbor
5. First Date Conversation Tips: 9 Horrible, Awful Conversation Topics

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Author Archive

The Popcorn Theory: 4 Steps to Show Kindness

Want to show more kindness? Here’s a conversation tip from the family depicted in the movie The Blind Side:

Leigh Ann and Sean Tuohy (pronounced TOO-hee), have a philosophy of life they named “The Popcorn Theory.” It goes like this:

You can’t help everyone. But you can try to help the hot ones who pop up in front of your face. It means that you notice other people, ask them questions, really listen to their answers, and help where you can. It’s a simple philosophy that they put into practice that freezing November afternoon when the Tuohys turned their car around to pick up a boy they saw walking without a jacket. In that heartbeat, all their lives were changed.
- Jonna Erickson, The Costco Connection

Got that? Just four steps to show your kindness:

1. Notice
2. Ask
3. Listen
4. Help

Witty Insults

“He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr

“Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. [I say,] ‘He’s dead. Good.’” -Kate Clinton

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” - Clarence Darrow

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”

Winston Churchill, in response:
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” - Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” - Robert Redford

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill, ”If you were my husband, I’d give you poison.”

Churchill replied, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

“I am returning this otherwise good sheet of typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.” - English Professor, Ohio University

Show Up at the Door and Wag Your Tail, Too.

Does your first impression measure up at home? When your loved ones step in the door, do you stop what you’re doing and greet them? Do you make them feel important and valued?

Let’s take a hint from the professionals.

Do you like being greeted at the door of WalMart? I do. A friendly welcome sets the tone for my shopping. It focuses me on a warm human being instead of a chilly store. WalMart knows that first impressions count, so thrifty as they are, they spend the bucks to have someone say, “Hello, welcome to WalMart.”

When I come home, Scooter (pictured) and OOdles bark and wag their welcome. As you can imagine, we’re delighted to see each other after a day — or an hour — apart. They have no concept of time. “You’ve been gone FOREVER, and now you’re home!” Wag, wag, wag! I love that first impression so much, I could bottle it.

But they’re not my favorite door greeters. My partner, Gaelyn, is. I just love seeing her peeking around the garage door, setting a playful tone for the whole evening.

And when Gaelyn comes home to me, I join the dogs at the door. I don’t bark, but I do wag and say, “I’m so glad you’re home. I’m happy to see you.”

Like the folks at WalMart, we know that first impressions count. Forget apples for keeping doctors away. A greeting a day keeps the grumpies at bay.

Who’s the official greeter at your place? It’s too important a job to leave to the pets. Show up at the door and wag your tail, too.

Olympic Ice Dancers Know How to Make a Great First Impression

Do first impressions count in Olympic ice dancing? Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir won my heart from the get-go. Before the first note of their music, even before they positioned their skates on the ice, my heart melted. I awarded them the gold.

Why?

Did you SEE the way he looked at her? Such appreciation, such love! And they’re not even dating. Were his adoring looks part of the performance? Who knows. Who cares? The judges gave them gold, too. Yeah, I know:  they earned it with every twirl and lift. But it all got launched with a great first impression.

Here’s my Olympic-sized tip of the day:

Do you realize you’re making a first impression every day? Over and over? Yes, even with people who know you. Friends are always checking you out. Are they likely to say, “You look dazzling today!” or “Did you spill your coffee fix?”

And you never know when that stranger you bump today — “Oops! Sorry!” — will become the client who interviews you for a job tomorrow.

Every brick-and-mortar business is making first impressions too, starting at the curb. <Reader alert! Pet peeve coming.> What will you find outside my gym? Power bar wrappers. Plastic water bottles. Litter. Ugh. Faster than you can say “deep knee bend,” the staff could clean that up.

When I owned the Mango House Bed and Breakfast, I cleaned all the way across the street. My reward was finding coins, a pint of rum and 5 music CDs. I was proud to have the cleanest cul de sac in Honolulu.

I won’t preach. Now that you know to pay attention to your first impressions, you know what to do.

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What did you think about the Russians’ aboriginal costumes? Got a story about good or crummy first impressions? Leave me a comment.

Lessons from the Library, or, Volunteers Don’t Need Prozac

Volunteering at my local library makes me feel good! Wish I’d signed up years ago when I was depressed. Science says my mood uplift comes from a boost in serotonin. I call it a natural high.

I LOVE feeling useful. I’m a mostly cheery person, but sorting book and magazine donations boosts my spirits even higher. Rummaging through the donation bin is like having Christmas morning twice a week. What bestsellers will turn up this time? Will it be the latest Dan Brown thriller? (YESSS!)

Can I borrow it? Right now? Yes, because volunteers get two extra benefits: 1) we can borrow book donations before they go on sale, and 2) we get first dibs on buying books.

Here’s another reason I get a boost from being a volunteer:

I get paid — not in money but in gratitude, which is the currency of the heart. The library staff and other volunteers appreciate us. Every week my “boss,” Clare, thanks me for helping. I don’t need her gratitude, but I like it. I can’t take it to the bank, but I take it to heart.

If you shop garage sales for books, you’d probably enjoy volunteering at your library, too. Or pick something else that appeals to you. If you’ve been downsized or furloughed, volunteer. A hundred worthy causes are waiting for you to step up to the plate. Call one of them now while you’re thinking about it.

The Most Romantic Movie You Never Heard of

Blog by  Tracey E. Bennett, Queen of Conversation

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Remember Ravel’s Bolero from the movie "10"? This video is its visual equivalent. It’ll make you want to grab your honey and KISS! Or dance, maybe in the sheets. The music’s great, too.

OK, turn down the lights, turn up the volume, and bring on the most romantic movie you never heard of.

What are your favorite romantic movies? My top one is American President. Remember when Annette Benning came out of Michael Douglas’s bathroom wearing only his white shirt? Hot! Hot! HOT! Santa brought me a shirt just like it (warm, warm, warm!)

Today’s paper nominates these must-see romantic movies: 

1. Shakespeare in Love
2. Titanic
3. The Notebook
4. Like Water for Chocolate
5. Ghost
6. P.S. I Love You
7. Love Actually
8. Don Juan De Marco
9. Say Anything
10. Moonstruck

Feel free to add your favorite romantic movies to the list. Or favorite scenes…

Calling Customer Service: How to Get a Person on the Phone

You’re calling customer service. But you land in a maze — or daze. How do you get a person on the phone? You could get your problem handled in a jiffy if only someone would talk to you. Here are 8 tips adapted from Reader’s Digest:

1. Don’t push any buttons. The computer will assume that you have a rotary phone and send you to a real person.

2. Push zero. Sometimes that sends you to a helpful soul.

3. Press a mess of buttons.

4. Mumble. It confuses the system and might send you to human land.

5. Speak Spanish. Many operators speak English, too.

6. Select the cancel-service option. It’s easier to hang on to a customer than to get a new one, so the company might bend over sideways to satisfy you. To do that, they have to talk to you, so you’re in.

7. Swear. [I swear Reader's Digest recommends this] because swear bunnies go to the head of the line. [Do try this at home, not on the bus.]

8. *** Go to www.GetHuman.com *** for a list of 900 companies and their get-a-human-on-the-phone numbers.

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How’s your track record with customer service? What tips and tricks do you use to get a person on the phone? Please go the comment section and share your secrets.

Good Valentine’s Day Books and Relationship Books

Here’s a list of good Valentine’s Day and relationship books. Two of my very favorite relationship books are:

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate – by Gary Chapman. You you only buy one relationship book ever, this is the one to get. It changed me and the way I fill my partner’s “love tank.”

Falling Into Manholes: The Memoir of a Bad/Good Girl – Wendy Merrill. A witty memoir of trying to put the “fun” in dysfunctional relationships. Wendy’s book pitch was funny enough to air on the Jay Leno Show. Look for it on YouTube.

I also enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s new bestseller, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.  This meditation on marriage moves from “We don’t want to” to “Oh, we’ve got to” to “Yes, we want to marry.” It’s warm, insightful, informative, and of course, beautifully written.

And here’s a sexy how-to, hot off the press this month:

Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex! by Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique.

(Click on the blue titles to get book details from Amazon.)

OK, here’s a longer list from Sam Horn. Take it away, Sam…

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Well, Valentine’s Day is around the corner.

Are you looking for a book for your significant other? Want a fun “how to” book to either find the love of your life or bring more love into your life?

The biggest-selling book on romance and relationships in the past couple years is:

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey. It has almost 800 (!) reviews on Amazon.com and is still ranked in the top 100 a year after its publication.

Here are a few of the other intriguing options out there:

Better off Wed?: Fling or Ring – Which FInger to Give Him? – Alison James

The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild – Not Away – Whitney Casey

What Was I Thinking?: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories – Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman

I Used to Miss Him…But My Aim Is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide – Alison James (A creative, witty author)

1001 Ways to Be Romantic: Now Completely Revised and More Romantic Than Ever – Greg Godek [a classic!]

What Your Mama Never Told You: True Stories About Sex and Love – Tara Roberts

Finding the Love of Your Life - Neil Clark Warren

Dating and Mating: Reading the Body Language Signals – Darren G. Burton

Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women – Bradley Fenton

What Men Won’t Tell You but Women Need to Know – Bob Berkowitz

How to Duck a Suckah: A Guide to Living a Drama-Free Life – Big Boom (yes, that’s his name)

And of course, two of the granddaddys:

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex – John Gray

He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo

That best-selling book by Greg Behrendt not only spawned a movie and a new career as a talk-show host, it inspired several copy-cat books such as:

He Just Thinks He’s Not That Into You: The Insanely Determined Girl’s Guide to Getting the Man that She Wants – Danielle Whitman

Be Honest–You’re Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – Ian Kerner

And, if you want a daily supply of smart posts about dating, mating, relating and romance, be sure to check out the witty, insightful blog by The Dating Goddess:  http://www.datinggoddess.com/

The Dating Goddess has a loyal following and has been quoted in the Wall St. Journal. After reading a few of her fun and fascinating books (Date or Wait: Are You Ready for Mr. Great? and You’ve Got to Kiss a Lot of Princes [an ebook available for free on her Web site]), you’ll quickly understand why she’s a popular go-to resource on the topic of dating and mating, romance and relationships.

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Visit Sam’s blog: http://samhornpop.wordpress.com/ and friend her on FaceBook.

How to Split the Check Without Looking Cheap

Have you ever gone to dinner with friends and ordered only a drink or appetizer? But when the bill came around, you got stuck with a chunk of it? How do you pay your fair share—that is, for your smaller portion—without looking or feeling cheap?

#2: Eat before you go, then just order appetizers.

Can You Top This Inspirational YouTube Video?

Singer Susan Boyle was the most-watched YouTube video in 2009. This video about a dog that failed at her first “job” gets my vote for super inspiration. After months of training, Ricochet wasn’t suited for being a service dog (“Birds!? WOOF! WOOF!”), but she excelled at something else.

I wonder if there’s a moral in here for us humans, such as chasing birds could cost you your job.

See what you think.

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I welcome your comments. Tell me, what’s your favorite YouTube video? And feel free to have fun with the moral.