 |
"George" committed a communication faux pas last night. When he did it, his audience’s attention wandered. Unless you’ve learned this essential communication skill, I bet you make this mistake all the time, too. Let’s set the scene and see if you can spot the problem: |
Where: a living room
What: a gathering of 20 friends
Why: to meet and perhaps support "George," a political candidate
The evening begins with small conversation groups. George smiles and shakes hands with a welcoming grip. He introduces his daughter to everyone. He’s an attentive listener, smiling and nodding. Part of his charm is that he genuinely likes people and wants to be of service. I give him credit because you can’t fake that.
Eventually we all sit down and give George the floor. He gets right to the point about sustainable energy, civil rights, and schools. He talks briefly and asks for questions.
Suzy asks about a heath care issue. George answers Suzy, maintaining good eye contact with her. I’m next. He answers my question about the duties of lieutenant governor, again maintaining eye contact with me. The third question comes from someone close to the kitchen. He takes a couple steps in that direction, and talks directly to the questioner.
OK. That’s the gist of it. He did almost everything expertly. But where did George lose his audience? Did you spot the missing communication skill?
HINT: Look at the picture on this post. What’s prominent?
Stop reading and think about it. …
Ok, ready for the answer?
ANSWER: The eyes have it. Essentially George’s Q & A is a series of one-on-one conversations because he looks only at the questioner. When he talks to Suzy or to me, after a while, everyone else feels left out and they tune out. George needs to assume that everyone in the room cares about the answer to the question. Who will he talk to then?
He can make eye contact with the questioner and then shift his focus away from that person. He needs to make eye contact with folks in all parts of the room. It’s not necessary to make eye contact with every single person; there were too many of us, so it would be annoying to see his eyes skipping around the room.
Did you get it? Did you spot the mistake? I hope so.
When you answer a question, it doesn’t matter if you’re talking to 2 people or 2,000. Use your eyes to include everyone in your conversation.
For the next week, watch how people answer questions. Do they have one-on-ones? If so, do you feel left out? Do they include you with the gift of their attention?
If you have a story about this situation, I’d love to read it. Please leave a comment.
========
Thanks for reading my blog. And now I’d like to invite you to get all my posts delivered by email. See the box on the right? You know what to do….
- Tracey E. Bennett, Queen of Conversation
Were you involved in figuring out George’s mistake?
I hope you found this can-you-spot-the-problem post more fun than a never-make-this-mistake kind of post.
You can use this kind of set-up, too. Let me know how it works for you and your audience of one or more.
Hi Tracey,
Hope you are enjoying the conference for writers. I wish I could be there. In response to your commentary, I have experienced this many times, both as the speaker and as one among many in an audience. I start by looking at the person who asked the question and, if a small crowd, find I will feel I’m excluding others, unless I include something in my answer that might pertain to another person. I consciously feel obliged to not just look at the one person. It’s tricky, and an important thing to work on. I’ve come to notice this, because I’ve had so many interviews, especially lately. Unfortunately, no one seems to want to hire these days. Yuk…still surviving…..
Jennifer
“George” was aware that he was ignoring folks in the back of the room, so he was happy when someone back there asked a question. We had a private chat after his talk, so I think that next time, he’ll include everyone in his Q&A.
Good luck with your job search, Jennifer. May your talents find a perfect new workplace soon.
Aloha,
Tracey