How often do you do stuff you don’t want to do? Does  your partner drag you to parties? Does your boss insist you attend meetings? Are you miserable, or do you make the best of it?

I have discovered that much nervousness and anxiety is caused by mentally trying to escape or run away from something that you have decided to go through with physically. If the decision is made to go through with it — not to run away physically — why mentally keep considering or hoping for escape?

I used to detest social gatherings and go along only to please my wife, or for business reasons. I went, but mentally I resisted it, and was usually pretty grumpy and uncommunicative. Then I decided that if the decision was to go along physically, I might as well go along mentally — and dismiss all thoughts of resistance. Last night I not only went to what I would formerly have called a stupid social gathering, but I was surprised to find myself thoroughly enjoying it. 

- from The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz

What Leadership Is All About

Dr. Maltz interviewed a top executive, who said,

"The truth is that there are few inherently right decisions or wrong decisions. Instead, we make decisions, then make them right. That’s what leadership is all about." 

There’s plenty of room for argument about the quality of world leadership. Iraq and Vietnam come to mind. And you’re welcome to comment on those below. For now let’s turn to a leader whom you can have an impact on: you.

Have you researched a problem, decided on a plan, but stopped yourself from implementing it by second guessing yourself six ways to Sunday? Or, like the grumpy husband, have you merely shown up physically? How would your life be different — more productive, more effective — if you showed up 100% physically AND mentally?

The secret of leadership is not only what you think, although clear thinking is crucial. It’s what you DECIDE and DO.

What are your success secrets? If you have a story to share, I’d love to read it. 

by Tracey E. Bennett

Here’s a list of good Valentine’s Day and relationship books. Two of my very favorite relationship books are:

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate – by Gary Chapman. You you only buy one relationship book ever, this is the one to get. It changed me and the way I fill my partner’s "love tank."

Falling Into Manholes: The Memoir of a Bad/Good Girl – Wendy Merrill. A witty memoir of trying to put the "fun" in dysfunctional relationships. Wendy’s book pitch was funny enough to air on the Jay Leno Show.

I also enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s new bestseller, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.  This meditation on marriage moves from "We don’t want to" to "Oh, we’ve got to" to "Yes, we want to marry." It’s warm, insightful, informative, and of course, beautifully written.

And here’s a sexy how-to, hot off the press this month:

Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex! by Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique. 

(Click on the blue titles to get book details from Amazon.) 

OK, here’s a longer list from Sam Horn. Take it away, Sam…

============

Well, Valentine’s Day is around the corner.

Are you looking for a book for your significant other? Want a fun “how to” book to either find the love of your life or bring more love into your life?

The biggest-selling book on romance and relationships in the past couple years is:

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment  by Steve Harvey. It has almost 800 (!) reviews on Amazon.com and is still ranked in the top 100 a year after its publication.

Here are a few of the other intriguing options out there:

Better off Wed?: Fling or Ring – Which FInger to Give Him? – Alison James

The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild – Not Away – Whitney Casey

What Was I Thinking?: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories - Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman

I Used to Miss Him…But My Aim Is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide - Alison James (A creative, witty author)

1001 Ways to Be Romantic: Now Completely Revised and More Romantic Than Ever - Greg Godek [a classic!]

What Your Mama Never Told You: True Stories About Sex and Love - Tara Roberts

Finding the Love of Your Life - Neil Clark Warren

Dating and Mating: Reading the Body Language Signals – Darren G. Burton

Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women – Bradley Fenton

What Men Won’t Tell You but Women Need to Know – Bob Berkowitz

How to Duck a Suckah: A Guide to Living a Drama-Free Life – Big Boom (yes, that’s his name)

And of course, two of the grandaddys:

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex – John Gray

He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo

That best-selling book by Greg Behrendt not only spawned a movie and a new career as a talk-show host, it inspired several copy-cat books such as:

He Just Thinks He’s Not That Into You: The Insanely Determined Girl’s Guide to Getting the Man that She Wants – Danielle Whitman

Be Honest–You’re Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve – Ian Kerner

And, if you want a daily supply of smart posts about dating, mating, relating and romance, be sure to check out the witty, insightful blog by The Dating Goddess:  http://www.datinggoddess.com/

The Dating Goddess has a loyal following and has been quoted in the Wall St. Journal. After reading a few of her fun and fascinating books (Date or Wait: Are You Ready for Mr. Great? and You’ve Got to Kiss a Lot of Princes [an ebook available for free on her Web site]), you’ll quickly understand why she’s a popular go-to resource on the topic of dating and mating, romance and relationships.

++++++++++++

Visit Sam’s blog: http://samhornpop.wordpress.com/ and friend her on FaceBook.